Looking ahead to 2017

It is almost hard for us to believe that we have been in Thailand for nearly three years. It is amazing how fast time moves. As we reflect back on our time here, we realize how blessed we have been to not only have the opportunity to impact the lives of many people here, but to have our lives be forever changed because of the people we have had the honor of serving with. We are better people because of them.

Can you believe December is upon us?  We can hardly believe how fast this past year has gone…but we feel like each year seems to be going as fast. Hope you all had an incredible Thanksgiving and are anticipating the joy of this Christmas season. We are enjoying our “cooler” temps here (ok, maybe you wouldn’t call 85 cool, but we sure do!).
            In the three years we have worked with Zoe in Thailand we have seen firsthand the life changing impact a true encounter with Jesus Christ can have on a young life.  Thank you for sending us here, to Zoe, to Thailand and to those hopelessly caught in the human slave trade.  Thank you for allowing us to follow the dreams God has given us and allowing us to impact these young lives. We are very thankful for the time we have spent working alongside the amazing Thai National staff and missionaries at Zoe.
            We wanted to take a moment and share some exciting news with you. Some of you have already received an email from us with the news, but some of you haven’t heard yet and we are excited to tell you! But first, we really just want to thank you for all you do to support us out here in so many different ways. We appreciate all the love and encouragement you continually send to us. Thank you!  As we look forward to 2017, there are many changes taking place, but we believe that God has been preparing us for it.
            In the beginning of this year, God began stirring something in our hearts and challenging us to trust Him more. After visiting some friends who live on the border of Thailand and Myanmar (Burma), we began feeling like God was calling us there to help. He opened our eyes to the needs on the border, to the vulnerable children and the refugees who are struggling there, and He began speaking to us about moving outside of our “comfort zone” in Chiang Mai and follow His direction for us.
            After seeking counsel from our Pastors, mentors, trusted friends and family, we made the decision to move our family from Chiang Mai to Mae Sot, Thailand.  (Mae Sot is located about 4-5 hours southwest of Chiang Mai.) And, we are excited to announce that in February 2017, not only are we moving to Mae Sot, but we are also launching Freedom Rising, a non-profit whose mission is to go.love.serve.restore.

Freedom Rising will exist to:
Go into all of the world
Love all people like Jesus loved all people
Find and serve the lost and oppressed
Help to restore the broken hearted through the love of God

            We have already partnered with a local organization in Mae Sot to help in the fight against human trafficking on the border. They have been working there for over 8 years and currently care for about 70 rescued children. Starting in February, we will partner with them to help in their efforts to spread the Gospel, combat human trafficking and care for those who have been rescued.
Some questions you may have:
Your donations
Right now you don’t need to change anything.   We will continue to serve at Zoe and receive your donations through Zoe for the remainder of our time here.   In the coming weeks we will send an email with information on how you can transition your support from ZOE to Freedom Rising.

What you can do now
Right now we ask that you pray with us….
Pray that we will continue to have people like you support the work here in Thailand.
Pray for the safety and spiritual health of our family.
Pray for our children as they finish their school year and prepare to say goodbye to their friends and move to a new area.
Pray that the governments of Thailand and Myanmar (Burma) will continue to grant us favor and allow us to continue the work of God in their countries.
Pray that God will continue to work in the hearts of the people of Thailand, that the people of this nation would be open and receptive to the message of the Gospel.
Pray for the rescued children, for their hearts to be healed.  That they would open their hearts to their loving heavenly Father and allow him to do a healing work in their life.

Thanks again for all your support, we couldn't be here without you!

In over my head

I like lists. I like to prepare them and I like to check things off of them. I sometimes add ‘make a list’ to my list just so I can have something to check off for that day. I like being organized and knowing exactly where something is. My kids…well, and Jason too, often joke about some of my quirks. I always park in the same row at a store. The same spot if it is available. I always drive through the parking lot in the same way. I always walk the main aisles of the store in the same way, even if I only need one thing and it is on the opposite side of the store. I break out in a sweat at the thought of being late for something. I like order and knowing what to expect.

While I crave deep relationships, I don’t actually enjoy one on one conversations because I feel socially awkward and don’t always know what to say. I used to be terrified, and actually almost feel sick at the thought of having to eat at a restaurant with just one other person. I still get the sick feeling, but I am overcoming the fear. I am embracing my social awkwardness and realizing it is a part of me and that maybe I’m not as awkward as I think. But, I love the times when I have Jason by my side because he is so much better at small talk and engaging people than I am. And I love small groups of friends getting to know each other. I am a work in progress and want to continue to be so. I don’t want to feel content. I want more.

Living in Thailand has been a perfect opportunity for me to continue growing. To continue wanting more. It has caused me to step out of my comfort zone and do things that make me uncomfortable. I try to speak the language, even though I make so many mistakes. If it were up to me I would wait until I could speak perfectly before attempting, but I know that is not practical. I need to make mistakes and learn from them. I need to be pushed and stretched. I need to trust God more.

I watch our kids play with the neighbors with so much ease, even though they can’t fully communicate because of the language. They do their best and have even come up with their own signals to communicate. I see so much bravery in them as they walk to the neighbors house and ring the bell for their friends to come out. I see the joy in their eyes when our little 2 year old neighbor walks right up to our front door and pokes his head in the door and smiles…wanting to play and just have fun. And out they run…barefoot and carefree. Trusting that they will have fun, even if they can’t have full conversations yet. Enjoying the journey and enjoying life. I want to be there again.

These past 2 years have been so rewarding, and also very challenging. We have seen the powerful love of God restore broken hearts and bring hope where there once was none. We have felt His love and seen His goodness. We have also walked through some situations that have caused us to grow, which is not always the most fun process. But, as we trust God and follow Him, we are seeing areas He is working and the progress we have made and we realize the pain isn’t always fun, but what He can do with that pain is worth it. We are better for it and stronger because of it.

As we started this year, we didn’t make any resolutions. We didn’t start any fad diets, or decide to drop anything. We didn’t do anything drastic. We did, however, decide to simply trust Him more. And we are realizing that is not always so simple. It requires us to step outside of the box we have created with Him and to step into areas that make us uncomfortable. To step into areas that will stretch us and have us do things we couldn’t do without Him.

If you have ever spent time around me in my home, you would know there is always worship music on. (very quietly if Jason is home and very loud if it is just me) I love to sing worship songs and every once in a while I find a song that just fits my season of life and I listen to it over and over. At the beginning of this year I found such a song. It has become my song for this year. It has become my prayer. It is scary and exciting. It is outside of my box and that is where I want to be.

As we pray and process the plans God has for us individually and as a family, we are often overwhelmed. We often feel unqualified and we feel in over our heads. But, like the song implies, I don’t think that is always a bad thing. Being in over our heads can be beautiful. I want more of Him. I don’t want to be satisfied. I don’t want to be content. I want to keep moving away from the shores into what He has for us.

I’m standing knee deep but I’m out where I’ve never been
And I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind

Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in
Let love come teach me who You are again
Would you take me back to the place where my heart was only about You
And all I wanted was just to be with You
Come and do whatever You want to

And further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours
And further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours

Then You crash over me and I’ve lost control but I’m free
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
Then you crash over me, and that’s where You want me to be
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim

It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head

 ~Jenn Johnson (Bethel Music) In Over my Head

As we look forward, we don’t fully know all the plans He has for us. We don’t know exactly what it looks like. We just know to trust Him. And so, as we continue on in our journey here and take steps further from the shore, we can feel the peace of Him surrounding us. As the waves continue to crash around us, we know that in order to get to where He wants us, we have to keep going. It will require trust. And total abandon. It will require us to stretch. And to tear down boxes. It will require us to let go and become beautifully in over our heads. And that’s exactly where I want to be.

Come as you are

…So lay down your burdens

Lay down your shame

All who are broken

Lift up your face

Oh wanderer come home

You’re not too far

So lay down your hurt

lay down your heart

                                   Come as you are

  David Crowder “Come as you are”

The other day I found myself feeling down about a few things in my life…I’m not as in shape as I would like to be…well, ok, I’m not really in shape at all. I have a shape…just not the one I want! I haven’t been as patient with my kids as I want to be. My lesson plans were falling behind and I felt like I was barely making it through each school day for the kids. I let the kids have snack too late in the day and then they didn’t want to eat dinner. I have things I need to get done around the house, but can’t seem to find the time to do between loads of laundry and rounds of Candy Land. My hair is always in a messy bun and yet I had great intentions of doing it every day when it got long. I haven’t updated the blog in what seems like forever. So, the list goes on, but the truth is it will always go on.

I was thinking about all the things I need to get done and somehow I think “If I can just get it done, then God will really be able to use me”. If I can just get this one area perfect, then I will be able to do what God needs me to do. I know He has asked me to do some things, but surely He wants me to wait until I get my life in perfect working order before I even attempt any of it. What.the.heck.am.I.thinking. He just wants me to come.

I am a wife, mom, homeschool teacher, daughter, friend, sister who will never have her life “all together”. I am human and I am imperfect. And yet, God still loves me and wants to use me. He wants me to come as I am.

As I read my Bible I see no mention of needing to get it all together before asking Jesus for help. I see people asking for help right where they are. Right at the point in their journey that they needed help, they asked. So why do I think I am any different? Why do we have people who believe they need to be perfect before coming to Christ? He is asking us to come as we are and allow Him to help be the one to change us. He wants to take our brokenness and make something new. He wants to take our chaos and help give it order. He wants to take our fears and help us grow our faith. He wants to take our messy and make it beautiful.

As I was thinking of all these things, with tears streaming down, one of my kids came and gave me a fierce squeeze. She said “moooom, I loooove you so much. To the stars and back and the moon and back. I love your squishy belly and your fat butt.” And then she smiled at me, kissed my finger and ran away. She loves me just the way I am. She doesn’t need me to be in my best shape to love me…she loves me for me. And she loves all of me. She doesn’t care about my list being done before she will spend time with me…she just wants me to get on the floor and play UNO with her. I could learn so much from the innocence of my children and the unconditional love they show for me.

I recently had the opportunity to get ‘real’ with a friend. You know the kind of real where you feel exposed and wonder if they will still be there once they know you. Not the you that everyone sees…but the you that only a few trusted people know. Yeah, that kind of real. It’s a beautiful thing to have friends in your life that will accept you…the good and the messy. The kind of friend who will be there for you and with you through the good and also through the times you need to cry ugly. Maybe for you it is easy to let people get that close, but for me it is scary. But, I am learning that when you do find a friend like that, all they are really saying is “come as you are. There is no need to be perfect, or have it all together. Life is a journey and it is best when shared.”

So, today, I challenge you to lay aside your fears, to lay aside your doubts and “come as you are” to whatever it is you are facing. There is no need to be perfect. Come as you are and see what God can do. Come as you are and love your families and let them love you. Come as you are and discover deep friendship. Just remember ….come as you are

Visit to America

We are busy making preparations for our first trip back to the US. As we have been talking to the kids about it, we have realized that our two youngest don’t remember a lot about America. Little E, the youngest, can remember people but she doesn’t remember much else. And Mr. A, well he thinks he remembers America, but all of his “memories” are actually things here. But he does remember people as well and they are all looking forward to seeing there family and friends.

We will arrive in Boston on May 10 (if you would like to come to the airport for our arrival and want the flight information, just send me an email and I will let you know the details), and fly out of Atlanta, GA on July 14. We have a lot of ground to cover during our stay, but we are excited about it. Our whole family is really looking forward to getting to spend some more time in Big Blue!

You will notice at the top of our website we have added a “Visit to America 2015″ page. Here you will find our calendar as well as a link to a form we have created to help us organize our trip. We realize that many friends and family want to visit with us, and we look forward to it, but we want to make sure that we make the time for you! Even if you just want to grab lunch together, or have dinner together, we are asking you to please fill out the form so we can make sure to have that special time with you. We don’t want to get so busy that we don’t have time to see you!

God has been doing some amazing things in our lives and at ZOE and we want to share that with you. This trip home is also an opportunity for us to share our story and give people the opportunity to partner with ZOE and our family and help us to continue to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. If you know a church, group or individual who would be interested in learning more about what we are doing at ZOE to help end human trafficking, please share our information with them.

Remember, we couldn’t be here, in the fight, without your support!! Thank you.

True confessions from a mom of 4

I sit at my computer, or mindlessly on my phone, scrolling Facebook and Instagram to see what’s happening in my friends lives. Friends. What a funny word. What does it really mean? In this age of social media I feel like the term may have lost some of it’s meaning. I’m fairly certain that some of the people I am ‘friends’ with on social media wouldn’t actually be my friend in real life…but that’s a different post for a different day…

Anyway, as I am scrolling I have a few thoughts that often linger in my head…too long sometimes. Usually these thoughts are not positive…not that I think negative of the person posting. Quite the opposite, actually. Usually, this mindless scrolling leaves me feeling like I haven’t yet reached the ‘mark’ I am aiming to reach. Who even set that mark? I usually immediately recognize all the shortcomings I feel about myself.

I see what I want to be…right there in front of my eyes…yet, no matter how hard I try it doesn’t happen. I. Just.Can’t.Seem.To.Do.It.All. Sometimes, what I see that I want to be even comes with step by step instructions. Yet, I do all the steps and all I can say at the end is “NNNNAAAAIIIIILLLLLED IT”…total Pinterest Fail right here.

So what do I do? I take a break from looking for a few days and realize I am good enough. But then, I look again and the cycle continues. But guess what? I realized I am probably just as guilty as doing the same thing to other people, and I realize I am just not ok with that. It bothers me. I don’t want to cause someone else to feel like that.

I am guilty of posting the moments when my kids are on their best behavior…when the house, or at least the part in the picture, looks clean. And even the posts where my kids are doing something they shouldn’t…it’s usually something cute that still makes it look like we’ve got it under control. Which we don’t’. At least not all the time!

A few months ago I found myself apologizing to people when they would come over. I would say, “oh, I’m sorry, my house doesn’t usually look like this. We’ve been gone. Or we’ve been busy.”  But, one day I realized….my house actually does usually look like this! What is ‘this’? ‘This’ is lived in. It is well loved. It is half done puzzles on the floor. It is a half colored card to a friend laying on the floor waiting to be finished. It is wet clothes on the floor from having so much fun playing outside and spraying each other with the hose. It is homemade ‘soup’ mixes in one of my good bowls. And by good, I mean plastic!

And so, I have made a choice that has been hard for me. I have made a choice to not apologize for it. I have made a choice to not stress about the mess my 4 littles make and instead, get on the floor and help them with the puzzle. I have asked if I can help stir the ‘soup’. I have watched them pour flour into a bowl to make homemade play dough and spill most of it on the floor…and then attempt to sweep it up. Most of all, though, I have learned how to make the choice to allow my kids to be kids. I am choosing to embrace these few moments that I have with them at this age. I am choosing to hear them laugh and realize that life isn’t perfect, and I don’t expect perfection from them.  And at the end of the day, if we all work together for a few minutes, we can have the mess put away…just in time to make another one the next day!

So, before I go on any further, let me apologize for usually posting our finer moments. While I am sure most of you enjoy seeing them, I know there are probably a few that have wondered how we keep it all together. I know, because you have asked me. Trust me when I say we don’t. It is by the grace of God we make it each day. His love and mercy sustains us through it all.

You know, I was thinking about how God has never required perfection from me, so why do I sometimes expect it from my kids?  God didn’t tell me I had to be perfect in order to be saved and have eternal life. He said I have to Believe. Why then, do we put different standards on others? I am nowhere near perfect. I mess up each and every day and yet my Heavenly Father forgives me…so too must I forgive others.

This week I will start with some confessions:

I have been known to count swimming all day as a check in the box for bath time

Our kids occasionally eat Mac-n-cheese….from the Blue Box! Gasp….I know! And the truth is, if it wasn’t so expensive here, they would probably eat it a little more.

Our kids despise wearing clothes. We have to almost negotiate with them to keep their clothes on when we have people coming over. Let’s not even start talking about closing the bathroom door…

I don’t make my bed everyday….  More like maybe I make it a few times a month. There I said it. But, I am trying to get better at it.

When one of our kids was potty training, they would run outside and go on the grass…even if they were already in the bathroom. The grass was just more fun I guess.

Our kids think they are soooo cool if they ask to skip brushing their teeth before bed and we let them. Seriously. It’s like we gave them $100 or something.

We had an awful smell in our car and couldn’t figure out what it was. Until we found the poor tiny gecko that was rotting and obviously the reason for the smell. He probably got ‘hugged’ to death.

A few times, I have forgotten to brush my teeth before bringing the kids to school so I wipe the ‘fuzz’ off on my shirt and hope for the best.

If you give our kids candy, I get excited when it’s something I like because I usually sneak some when they go to bed. Not enough for them to notice…but enough.

I don’t like coffee. Not any coffee. Not even your favorite fancy Starbucks drink. I don’t even like the smell of coffee!

I am horrible at keeping up with laundry. How do little people create so much dirty clothes…especially when 75% of the time they are home they are just in their underwear?

I am not crafty. Not even a little bit. I want to be. And I try to be. But I’m not.

Before kids, I loved to be by myself all the time. Having friends was great, but I enjoyed my ‘me’ time. Now, I long for a few female friends I can just be ‘me’ and connect with a few hours each week. (Missing my friends back home…)

I secretly love that 2 of our littles still come and snuggle in our bed. I’ll deny it if you tell them though. I love feeling their chubby hands on my back and smelling their terrible morning breath first thing in the morning. They will be grown too fast so I must embrace it now.

I haven’t even started Christmas shopping yet.

While typing this I ate through almost my whole stash of hidden chocolate. Thanks Lindsay for sending it!

And, while there a million other things I can add to this list, I will leave you with those. Until next week…let’s be real and embrace the moments we are living in!

You mean our kids are actually listening to us?!?

There are days where I am certain I say the same thing at least 100 times…and other days that number far exceeds 500 times. Sometimes it’s “don’t wipe your mouth on your shirt while you’re eating”. Other times it is “please don’t lick the lizard, or the frog”. “Do you really need to kiss that snail goodnight?”  Many times I have to say “make sure you wash your hands because you just touched (insert any gross object or insect here)”. And to be honest, these things are all said on a daily basis.

I lie in bed at night wondering if they have heard a word I am saying or if it goes in one ear and out the other. Sometimes it looks like they are looking right into my eyes, but they seem to be so oblivious to what I am saying. Other times, Jason and I are whispering…totally sure they aren’t paying attention and completely out of their normal hearing range and then all of a sudden they say, “oh yeah, we want ice cream too”. Really, because I just tried to ask you to do something and you didn’t hear me.

I often wonder if I just sound like a broken record or if they actually get what I am saying. And the more I wonder about the way my kids listen to me, the more I wonder if that is how God sometimes thinks about me. How many times has He tried telling me something before I finally got it?!

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like my kids don’t listen all the time. Actually, quite the opposite…they are usually really great kids, but they are kids and they totally act like it sometimes. They do, however, have their moments when they completely blow me away with how amazing they really are. I mean, they did move to the other side of the world with us and haven’t complained once…that says a lot!

The other day we had a moment of “wow, our kids are actually listening to what we are telling them”. And it was an amazing feeling!

Faith came home from school and told us she had gotten in trouble….ok so that’s not the moment we thought we did something right!!!  Anyway, she told us she got in trouble for talking and laughing in the hallway with her friends. (If you know Faith, you know she loves to talk, and with her friends she loves to talk even more!!). So, another teacher had caught her and a few friends laughing and being too loud in the hallway so the teacher told their teacher.

Once they were back in their classroom, their teacher said she wanted to know who was a part of making the noise. Faith told us that at that moment something inside her told her that she knew she had to the right thing and tell the truth. And here is the part that amazed us….she did it and said she was the only one to admit it was her and she even had to go to the other teacher all by herself and apologize.

We are always telling our kids to always tell the truth…even if it means you will get in trouble. We tell them there will be times they will make the wrong choice, either by themselves, or with their friends, but that they always need to be truthful with us. We tell them that there will be times their friends want to do something that isn’t the right thing to do and they will need to make a choice about their own actions. And even though we are always telling them these things, we always wonder if they actually get it.

Thanks to Faith, we now know that they are getting it…little by little, they are starting to understand. We are learning that little by little, our kids are listening. Little by little, they are showing us that they finally get it after we have said it 100 times. And I am seeing that the effort of repeating myself with valuable words is so worth it.

Even though Faith did have to go and apologize by herself because she was a part of the noise, she learned a great lesson that day. And she saw that we weren’t mad at her for being loud…we’ve all been there before…we were so proud of her for doing what she knew was right. She took a great big step in following what God wanted her to do and for that I will continue making a valiant effort in repeating all the valuable things they need to hear.

5 things you can actually live without

I have come to the realization that growing up in America gave me a distorted view of what I actually ‘need’ versus what I ‘want’.  Any home I walked into growing up, including my own, was filled with “stuff”…whether it was furniture, toys, books, appliances, whatever it was, it was there.  I can’t think of a single house I went to that didn’t have at least one television. And if I can be perfectly honest, I would say that for most of my life, I would have said a tv is in the ‘need’ category…because what else do you do on a rainy day?

Well, after living here in Thailand for almost 10 months, my view has shifted and certain items have shifted from my ‘need’ category to more of a ‘want’ or ‘nice to have’ category. Now, I’m not saying you should get rid of your stuff, or that it’s bad to own these things, I’m just saying are they really a need? And this post isn’t meant to make anyone feel bad, it’s just meant to be a fun look into our new lives…

So, here goes…

1.Washing Machine and Dryer

To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t sure how I would survive without a washer and dryer. It was such a convenience that I had grown accustomed to I didn’t think I could do it. I have always had a washer and dryer, or been close enough to a laundromat to go and use theirs. The thought of waiting hours for my clothes to dry in the sun just seemed ridiculous! Guess what, I actually love it now! I can’t even imagine ever using a dryer again because I prefer the way my clothes dry naturally…except when it takes 3 days to dry because it is rainy season!

The kids really enjoyed helping us to handwash our clothes and then hang them to dry. It was definitely more work, but it was fun to do it together. After 8 months of hand washing , we did get a washing machine, but I now know I can easily live without one!

The cutest washing machine I have ever seen!

2. Hot water from the sink…kitchen and bathrooms

I know what you’re thinking…what do you mean you can live without hot water coming from your tap? How do you wash your dishes? Well, I mostly wash them in cold water, but if I have been preparing raw meat, or a dish is really greasy, we will boil water and use it to wash them.  During hot season, we do sometimes get warm water come out because it has been sitting in the hot sun all day and that’s always a nice surprise! (When we make a trip back to the US we will have to warn our kids about hot water from the tap because they already don’t remember it!)

In our shower we have a small water heater that we turn on when we want to shower and it allows us to have a hot shower, but during hot season we don’t even use it because the cold water feels so much better!

Make sure you turn the switch on before starting your shower!

3.TV/Cable

TV seems to be one of those things that people get heated about…whether they are totally for it or totally against it. We haven’t had a TV for a while so it wasn’t much of a transition for us, but I know many people who have their TV on all day every day and the thought of living without one is absurd. We do allow our kids to watch an occasional movie on the laptop but for the most part they are outside playing or playing games inside. It’s amazing how much more time I find that I have when I don’t just sit down and watch something.

4.Dining room table

Everyone eats at a table, don’t they? Nope! At ZOE, we began to love sitting on mats on the floor when we would eat dinner with the family there. It was so nice to all be sitting right there together. We enjoyed it so much that we didn’t buy a table, but just bought a mat instead and every meal we lay the mat down, and when we are done, we fold it up and put it away.  It adds about 2 minutes of extra work setting up and folding, but we really enjoy it!

5.Modern toilet and toilet paper

What?!? How on earth could I live without a toilet and toilet paper? Is that what you are thinking? You might be thinking, “ok, I could live without the other stuff, but this one is just crazy”. But guess what, you could do it!
If you have to stop at a gas station here to use the restroom, most likely you will not encounter a toilet or toilet paper (unless you bring your own). What you will get is a ‘squatty potty’ with a bucket of water next to it and maybe even a sprayer.  If you do bring your own toilet paper, you have to throw it in the trash and not in the potty! And don’t ask about the standing water on the floor…it’s best just to make sure your pants don’t drag in it!

Here is what a typical ‘restaurant or gas station’ squatty potty looks like:

You use the bucket to get water from the tub thing next to it and use it to “flush” everything down…and if you forgot to bring yourself some toilet paper, you also use it to wash yourself!

This is just a small list of the things we are learning to live without, or learning to adjust to. The more you use new things, the easier they get! We love living here and look forward to learning and discovering even more…

Kids can be so selfless

In the midst our sometimes hectic and crazy life, we have such simple reminders of God’s love for us through our children. When we are having a rough day, all it takes is a simple hug from one of our kids and an “I love you” to erase the bad from the day. We are reminded that even when we mess up as mom and dad, our kids still have an everlasting love for us. But how much more is the Father’s love for us!

When Faith was 5 years old, she had decided she was ready to get her first haircut and wanted to donate it to Locks of Love. I was speechless…how could such a young girl be so selfless, when I, her mom, had so many moments of feeling selfish. She had taught me what it was to just give. As soon as she had had cut the 13 inches off, she said she was going to grow it out and cut it again.

Well, here we are almost 2 years later, and she again is showing me what it means to be selfless. She was ready for her next hair donation and right in time…there is a short term team here and one of the members is a hairdresser. Perfect.

But here’s the thing. Faith is the oldest, and she has 3 younger siblings who look up to her and admire her and want to be like her. So guess what. Little Eaden, at 3 years old, decided she was ready for her first hair donation as well. I am blown away that these 2 sweet, selfless girls call me mommy. I thank God for their genuine hearts and pray that they continue to be just as giving as they grow.

So, Faith was able to donate 12 inches and Eaden had 13 inches and they both want to grow their hair out to do it again! Thank you, Joy, for cutting their hair! You are a blessing to us.

Gone too soon

I’ve been sitting, staring at the keys wondering exactly what I can write. I think of all these great words, that sound just write, but as I begin to type, they just don’t seem to sound the same as they did in my thoughts. How am I supposed to write something I never wanted to have to write?

I can remember being 16 or 17 years old, working with my sister Stacie, and she introduced me to a guy that she liked, and he seemed nice enough. At the time, I never would have imagined that Carlito would have become my brother in law and father to my 4 beautiful nieces.

Throughout their long relationship, and eventually their marriage, I have seen them go through many seasons of struggle, and many seasons of joy. I haven’t always understood their relationship, and I haven’t always seen what they saw in each other, but one thing I have always seen is their love for each other. And sometimes, that love was what kept them going. And even when nobody else around them could see the good in their relationship, they saw it and they loved each other and made it work.

Like so many of us, probably most of us actually, Carlito struggled with some things in his life, and at times, his choices weren’t always the right choices, but Stacie always stuck by his side. Throughout everything they dealt with, she always saw the best in him. She never once doubted that in his heart he was a great guy and was someone she was proud to be married to.  She always knew there was a great man inside of him and believed in him. I believe she made him a better person, and he returned that by loving her the best he could. She literally stuck with him through the thick and thin, through good times and bad, and in sickness and health. She was in love with him and he was in love with her.

If I am being perfectly honest, and I think it is ok for me to, I didn’t always see what she saw. At the beginning, I didn’t think the relationship was worth her time. But as time went on, and I started to see him for who he really was…and I mean, when I started seeing what his heart was like, and I allowed myself to begin to see what she saw in him, I saw a great person. I saw in him the man that God created him to be.

Because of him, my sister was able to know what love is. Because of him, my sister is able to be called “mommy”. Because of him, I have 4 of the most beautiful girls as my nieces. Because of him, I learned what it is like to see the good in someone, even when no one else can see it. And because of him, I had a Brother-in-law that I could call friend.

Wednesday morning at 4:30 am, Carlito gave my sister a kiss, said “I love you” and headed off for work. At that moment, neither one of them could have known it would be the last time they saw each other. Around 7:45am, when she called his phone, a paramedic answered it and told her that he had fallen and hit his head, and he was unconscious.  Rushing to the hospital, she had no idea what lay ahead. He was placed into a medically induced coma, where his body was essentially frozen, in an attempt to save brain function. Family and friends gathered to pray and hold strong for this husband, father and friend.

In the days that followed, after multiple tests and procedures had been performed, his body was warmed and brought back to normal temperatures. When the sedatives had worn off and enough time had lapsed, doctors gave the news we were all hoping not to hear. This young, 38 year old husband and father, was clinically brain dead. 

I got the call from my sister and my whole world stopped. I couldn’t believe that 6,000 miles away, my sisters world was just turned upside down and I wasn’t there to even give her a hug! I thought of my nieces, who are going to be told that their daddy isn’t coming home anymore. I thought of my sister, who is 34 and has to bury her husband. And I thought of all the people in the world who are getting the same exact news, and going through the same things, and my heart broke. My heart breaks for the lost and dying world that we live in. My heart breaks for the families that are left behind. My heart breaks for children who are left without a mom, or a dad or who are left as orphans.

I read a story recently about two guys who were on an airplane. The flight attendant went to the first guy, handed him a parachute and told him to wear it. She told him that the parachute would make his flight much better. He took the parachute, thanked her and put it on. He immediately noticed the weight of it and how uncomfortable it felt. He couldn’t see how this parachute was going to help make his flight better. After a short time, the other people on the plane began to mock him and make fun of him for wearing it. Soon, he couldn’t bear the others laughing at him and he gave in and took the parachute off.

Meanwhile, the flight attendant gave the second guy his parachute and told him to put it on because he was going to have to jump out of the plane at 32,000 ft. The man gladly accepted the parachute and put it on. He didn’t notice the weight of it, or feel that it was uncomfortable. He seemed oblivious to the other passengers mocking him. He had assurance that when it was time to jump, he would survive. He had knowledge that made him prepared. Perhaps if the first guy had the same thing, he too would have kept his parachute on.

That flight they were on, is the same “flight” you and I are on. The parachute they were given, is Jesus Christ. We are each on this earth for a short time, and what happens after depends on our decision to keep the parachute on (accept Jesus) or take it off (live without Jesus).

So often, we are told that becoming a Christian and accepting Jesus means that we will live this perfect, orderly life and no trouble can come our way. Whoever told you that has never read the Bible!  The Bible says we will face trials and tribulations. That we will be mocked, persecuted and hated for our belief. BUT, we have been given assurance that throughout anything we may face in this life, Jesus will be there to see us through. When we hit turbulence in our life, we don’t need to fear, because we have the parachute strapped right on our back. And when the time comes for us to “jump”, we have assurance of spending eternity in Heaven.

Because, whether you think about it or not, there is a very real Heaven, and there is a very real Hell. Where you spend eternity is entirely dependent on your choice. God sent His one and only Son to die on the cross for you and I, and He also gave us 100% free will to decide whether or not we receive that gift. We can do nothing in ourselves to earn it, but He freely gives it. All we have to do is ask.  And what’s even more, He forgives us every time we mess up and ask forgiveness. But what is even more amazing than all that, as if that wasn’t enough, He remembers our sins no more!!

I know that there were many times in Carlito’s life when he rejected the parachute. He allowed the influence of others to get to him and he took the pack off. But, as time went on, and he and I had more conversations and debates about things, I saw him pick up the parachute and start to put it on. More recently, I believe he did put the parachute back on and started to see in himself who God created him to be.

As our family faces this unexpected death, our prayer is that through his untimely death, new life can be found in the lives of others. If there is one thing we have learned, it is that our time here is so short. We are only on this earth for a short time in comparison to the eternal life we will have when we die.

As you go about your day today, I pray that you take the time to let your loved ones know they matter to you. Let your friends know that their friendship blesses your life. Hug and kiss your spouse and tell them how much they mean to you. Give your kids an extra tight hug and a big kiss…give it for all the moms and dads that aren’t able to be there for their kids anymore.

But most importantly, and what I believe that Carlito would say if he could, is take a moment and make the decision to put your parachute on. Don't wait until you are at the end of your life.  Allow Jesus to become Lord of your life, and take the assurance of eternal life that only He can offer.

Carlito was a son, a brother, a husband, a father, and a daddy. He was loved and will be missed.

Beauty from the ashes

“…to give them beauty for ashes,

The oil of joy for mourning,

              The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness…”

                                                                        Isaiah 61:3 

When I look at the definition of beauty on the Mirriam-Webster dictionary online, there are multiple definitions that show up, but the ones I like the most are these:

Beauty:

 3:  a particularly graceful, ornamental, or excellent quality

4:  a brilliant, extreme, or egregious example or instance 

Moving to a foreign country, where I am not surrounded by magazines filled with airbrushed supermodels, and Pinterest worthy super-moms, has made me reflect and actually think about what I think is beauty. What does beauty even look like? Do we have a distorted view of beauty, and with that, are we striving to be something we may never actually be?

I love how the Bible tells us that God will give us “beauty for the ashes…”. For me, the beauty from the ashes came when I met Jason 8 years ago. For those of you who know me, and know what I was going through, you know what I am talking about. For those that don’t know, I will tell you that through some pretty traumatic  events that happened to me, I was at a very low place in my life, BUT GOD, in His all knowing and ever graceful and loving ways, brought Jason into my life at that  very time.  It was through the love that Jason freely gave me, that I was able to recognize the beauty that God had for my life. 8 years later, we have 4 beautiful children who show me the beauty of God everyday! We are blessed to now  live in Thailand, where we are surrounded by so many examples of God’s beauty.

    And shouldn’t God’s beauty be what we are striving for anyway?

I can remember being about 9 or 10 years old, and a girl that lived down the street, who was 1 or 2 years younger than me( she had blonde hair, blue eyes and no freckles) came to my house and told me, “ You know, nobody is ever going to want to marry you because you have ugly brown hair and freckles on your face. Boys only like girls who have blonde hair and blue eyes.”  Yeah, I’m not making that up, it really happened. But I didn’t care, ok, well, maybe I cared a little and did what Marsha Brady did and tried to wash the freckles away with lemon juice…but I digress. The point is, 20+ years later my freckles are still here, in fact they have probably multiplied. That girl probably wouldn’t even want to look at me anymore….ok, back on track here. The real point is, God created me in His image so there must be beauty. Maybe you don’t see it when you look at me, she certainly didn’t, but I know God sees it. And I also know that Jason (the man who married the brown haired freckle girl), sees it too. And when I walk down the stairs in the morning looking like a hot mess (that is not a good thing in case you wondering) and my breath smells something horrid (ok, don’t pretend your breath never stinks in the morning), my 2 little boys never fail to tell me “mommy, you look beautiful today”. Just another reminder of true beauty from my God.

Back home, we spend so much money on safety “devices” for our kids.  Ok, so I think we should be safe with our kids, but to be perfectly honest I think we have gone a little overboard. Who remembers being a kid and not having to wear a seat belt? Or when we would do the double buckle or even the triple buckle…walking on the wild side!  What the heck is with having to keep our kids in booster seats/car seats until they are like 8 or 9 years old?  I don’t remember ever having to wear a helmet when I rode a bike. Now I see kids riding tricycles wearing helmets. Seriously?!?! Ok, so safety is good, but are we teaching our kids just to live safely and never take any risks? Are we letting them climb the jungle gym, do the monkey bars, and spin on that spinny thing, or are we asking them to keep their feet on the ground to  reduce any chances of injury?

 Here in Thailand, I have found their approach to life to be completely different than the States, and yet, I have seen so much beauty in it. Let’s just say that safety does not seem to be their number 1 concern…for example, just down the street we could actually reach up and touch the power lines as we are walking on the sidewalk…

As we left the States, we left all of our car seats/booster seats there as well….gasp…I know! All 4 of our kids ride in the car with just their seatbelt! And get this…we have fit 7 people in a 5 seater car (Faith sat on my lap in the front seat!!) But that’s not all…we have fit 11 people in a 7 seater!! Crazy right ! But guess what,  my kids loved it, and well, I kind of did too.  I find beauty in the laughter of my children and hearing them tell me what fun they had!

I find beauty in seeing the way the Thai families ride down the road on their motorbikes. Yes, a family will ride on a motorbike. Just last night we saw a dad driving it, with a boy behind him, followed by the mom, who also had a child sitting behind her. And the motor bike was pulling a cart that had 2 more kids in it. No helmets. But guess what? The kids had smiles on their faces. I don’t know that families story, but I know I see families like that every day. And I know that they probably can’t afford a car, but they have to get to work, and they have to get around places, so they do what they have to do.  And that is a beautiful thing, to see people embrace their life and circumstances and not let it hold them back. To see their ‘beauty from the ashes’…

I have seen beauty in the smiles of the ladies that work at the markets selling their fruits and vegetables. You would never see them on the cover of a magazine back in the States, but God sees their beauty. And when you look at them through the eyes of God, you can see their beauty too. There is beauty in the relationships that can be made through the simple process of buying fruits and veggies from a hard working individual.

Even though we have only been here for a few weeks, I have seen the beauty in living a simple life. Sure, things are different for us. We had to teach our kids to not drink the water, even when brushing their teeth. We have had to learn to drive on the other side of the road, while sitting on the opposite side of the car. We wash our dishes with cold water, because there is no hot water tank (we do have a water heater in the bathroom for showers). And I have had to learn to hand wash our clothes in the bathtub… I have learned to spend that time worshipping God and with my kid’s right alongside me, I actually enjoy it. Truly, there is beauty in unplugging from the chaotic life of chasing the American Dream, and living a simple life embracing the beauty that God has put all around us.

The most important thing is that we have seen the beauty in the Thai people as God sees them.  We had the honor of attending prayer night at ZOE the other night, and let me tell you…those kids are some of the most beautiful kids I have ever met.  There is beauty in their eyes and their smile that can only come from God.  These kids are amazing.  God has done a transforming of their hearts and to hear them pray, or speak the Word, or even have them pray over you, is to catch a glimpse of the love of the Father.  God has given them such beauty, joy and praise and we are so humbled to be here and to be a part of such an amazing work.

In this culture, it is a beautiful thing to be white. No suntan is a good thing. Perfect for this girl who has legs that may actually glow in the dark. I will embrace that beauty. When we go out to the store, the employees actually follow us around, pick up our kids and take their pictures with them because they are so fair skinned and with their light hair and blue eyes they become quite the attraction.  It is beautiful to see our  kids embrace it, knowing it is the Thai culture, and just smile at the people. I’m sure after a while they might not like it so much, but for now they are loving it.

Today, as you go about your day, I challenge you to find beauty where you wouldn’t normally look. Take a moment and look at yourself as God sees you and know that He created you in His image…a beautiful image. Let go of the ashes you are holding onto and allow God to show you the beauty He sees in you.  I also would challenge you to let yourself become unplugged for a while. Enjoy the beauty that God has placed right in front of you. Enjoy the moments you are living right now, and allow Him to bring you to the place where you can see the beauty and joy in your own life, that you may then Praise Him for it.