I sit at my computer, or mindlessly on my phone, scrolling Facebook and Instagram to see what’s happening in my friends lives. Friends. What a funny word. What does it really mean? In this age of social media I feel like the term may have lost some of it’s meaning. I’m fairly certain that some of the people I am ‘friends’ with on social media wouldn’t actually be my friend in real life…but that’s a different post for a different day…
Anyway, as I am scrolling I have a few thoughts that often linger in my head…too long sometimes. Usually these thoughts are not positive…not that I think negative of the person posting. Quite the opposite, actually. Usually, this mindless scrolling leaves me feeling like I haven’t yet reached the ‘mark’ I am aiming to reach. Who even set that mark? I usually immediately recognize all the shortcomings I feel about myself.
I see what I want to be…right there in front of my eyes…yet, no matter how hard I try it doesn’t happen. I. Just.Can’t.Seem.To.Do.It.All. Sometimes, what I see that I want to be even comes with step by step instructions. Yet, I do all the steps and all I can say at the end is “NNNNAAAAIIIIILLLLLED IT”…total Pinterest Fail right here.
So what do I do? I take a break from looking for a few days and realize I am good enough. But then, I look again and the cycle continues. But guess what? I realized I am probably just as guilty as doing the same thing to other people, and I realize I am just not ok with that. It bothers me. I don’t want to cause someone else to feel like that.
I am guilty of posting the moments when my kids are on their best behavior…when the house, or at least the part in the picture, looks clean. And even the posts where my kids are doing something they shouldn’t…it’s usually something cute that still makes it look like we’ve got it under control. Which we don’t’. At least not all the time!
A few months ago I found myself apologizing to people when they would come over. I would say, “oh, I’m sorry, my house doesn’t usually look like this. We’ve been gone. Or we’ve been busy.” But, one day I realized….my house actually does usually look like this! What is ‘this’? ‘This’ is lived in. It is well loved. It is half done puzzles on the floor. It is a half colored card to a friend laying on the floor waiting to be finished. It is wet clothes on the floor from having so much fun playing outside and spraying each other with the hose. It is homemade ‘soup’ mixes in one of my good bowls. And by good, I mean plastic!
And so, I have made a choice that has been hard for me. I have made a choice to not apologize for it. I have made a choice to not stress about the mess my 4 littles make and instead, get on the floor and help them with the puzzle. I have asked if I can help stir the ‘soup’. I have watched them pour flour into a bowl to make homemade play dough and spill most of it on the floor…and then attempt to sweep it up. Most of all, though, I have learned how to make the choice to allow my kids to be kids. I am choosing to embrace these few moments that I have with them at this age. I am choosing to hear them laugh and realize that life isn’t perfect, and I don’t expect perfection from them. And at the end of the day, if we all work together for a few minutes, we can have the mess put away…just in time to make another one the next day!
So, before I go on any further, let me apologize for usually posting our finer moments. While I am sure most of you enjoy seeing them, I know there are probably a few that have wondered how we keep it all together. I know, because you have asked me. Trust me when I say we don’t. It is by the grace of God we make it each day. His love and mercy sustains us through it all.
You know, I was thinking about how God has never required perfection from me, so why do I sometimes expect it from my kids? God didn’t tell me I had to be perfect in order to be saved and have eternal life. He said I have to Believe. Why then, do we put different standards on others? I am nowhere near perfect. I mess up each and every day and yet my Heavenly Father forgives me…so too must I forgive others.
This week I will start with some confessions:
I have been known to count swimming all day as a check in the box for bath time
Our kids occasionally eat Mac-n-cheese….from the Blue Box! Gasp….I know! And the truth is, if it wasn’t so expensive here, they would probably eat it a little more.
Our kids despise wearing clothes. We have to almost negotiate with them to keep their clothes on when we have people coming over. Let’s not even start talking about closing the bathroom door…
I don’t make my bed everyday…. More like maybe I make it a few times a month. There I said it. But, I am trying to get better at it.
When one of our kids was potty training, they would run outside and go on the grass…even if they were already in the bathroom. The grass was just more fun I guess.
Our kids think they are soooo cool if they ask to skip brushing their teeth before bed and we let them. Seriously. It’s like we gave them $100 or something.
We had an awful smell in our car and couldn’t figure out what it was. Until we found the poor tiny gecko that was rotting and obviously the reason for the smell. He probably got ‘hugged’ to death.
A few times, I have forgotten to brush my teeth before bringing the kids to school so I wipe the ‘fuzz’ off on my shirt and hope for the best.
If you give our kids candy, I get excited when it’s something I like because I usually sneak some when they go to bed. Not enough for them to notice…but enough.
I don’t like coffee. Not any coffee. Not even your favorite fancy Starbucks drink. I don’t even like the smell of coffee!
I am horrible at keeping up with laundry. How do little people create so much dirty clothes…especially when 75% of the time they are home they are just in their underwear?
I am not crafty. Not even a little bit. I want to be. And I try to be. But I’m not.
Before kids, I loved to be by myself all the time. Having friends was great, but I enjoyed my ‘me’ time. Now, I long for a few female friends I can just be ‘me’ and connect with a few hours each week. (Missing my friends back home…)
I secretly love that 2 of our littles still come and snuggle in our bed. I’ll deny it if you tell them though. I love feeling their chubby hands on my back and smelling their terrible morning breath first thing in the morning. They will be grown too fast so I must embrace it now.
I haven’t even started Christmas shopping yet.
While typing this I ate through almost my whole stash of hidden chocolate. Thanks Lindsay for sending it!
And, while there a million other things I can add to this list, I will leave you with those. Until next week…let’s be real and embrace the moments we are living in!