Yesterday, the kids were having a challenging day with their listening ears, and I was running low on my patience having to tell them the same thing over and over and over and over again. I had to take a few “mommy time-outs” to keep from getting too upset with them but at one point I did get upset and yelled at them. I know that to some, it’s not that big of a deal, but I always feel horrible after I yell at my kids. I notice that, like many things, my patience is a lot lower on days that I have not spent enough time in the Word of God and in prayer! After we all calmed down, and I apologized to them and they apologized to me, they told me how much they loved me and how I was the “perfect mommy just for them”. In that moment, I had the fleeting thought that I don’t always deserve the love they give me but I sure am thankful for it. Isn’t that how it is with God though? I know that some of the things I have done in my life or even some of the ways I act now do not make me worthy of God’s unconditional love, but He still loves me. No matter what. No matter where I am. No matter what I have done or what I am going through.
All last night I was thinking about how much my kids love me, and it got me thinking about all the pressure that is out there to be a perfect mom. Seriously, if you have ever been on Facebook, or Pinterest or even just talked to a group of moms, you can totally feel inept even when 5 minutes before you felt like you were doing a good job. How many people put pictures on Facebook of the mess in their house, or make a status of how they completely failed that day. Very few! Instead, it’s all the best pictures of what they want you to see and nothing more. It’s the best of their world that they want to share with you. You can start feeling guilty about the clothes your kids wear, or the foods you are feeding your kids, or even the activities you are or aren’t doing with your kids.
Pinterest shows you how to make the coolest things and throw the best birthday parties, even for a one year old, and for those of us that aren’t party planners or have no desire for big parties, we can start to feel guilty. Or maybe you are throwing a party and you think you have to go all out and blow the budget just because you are inviting some people that threw a “grand” birthday party for their child. When did mommy-hood become such a competition ? I choose to opt out of being a competitor! I want to enjoy being a mom and not think about how other moms are doing it bigger and better than me. I want to do what works for my family and do it the way God wants me to, not the way Pinterest thinks I should . (Note: I enjoy Pinterest and the ideas from there and I am a regular “Facebooker” but I am tired of all the mommy guilt in social media).
So to that I say:
To the mom who feels guilty about feeding her kids fast food occasionally and can’t afford to always buy organic produce…your kids are thankful you are feeding them! Take the time to teach them moderation and how to make healthy options when available. If possible, maybe plant a garden and grow some of your own produce. We try to eat all natural food, but we do occasionally eat fast food and even an occasional box of macaroni and cheese.
To the mom who can’t afford to throw that big birthday party or buy the newest toy/electronic device…are your kids really going to remember that? Can you remember every present you got as a kid or every birthday party you had? The important thing is making them feel loved and knowing they are secure in who they are. We don’t do big birthday parties every year but we make sure their birthday is a very special day every year!
To the mom who feels guilty about feeding her baby formula instead of breast-feeding…again, I say, your child is happy you are feeding them! Do what works for you! All 4 of my kids were bottle fed and they are very healthy, smart, loving kids. And I can’t tell you how many lectures I had to sit through by well meaning moms about how I was doing my kids a total disservice by using formula and that my kids wouldn’t be as healthy as their kids were.
To the breast-feeding moms, you rock! You are giving your child the nutrition they need in the way you feel led to do so. I admire your love for your children and the devotion that is required of you. I’m tired of people complaining that women shouldn’t be allowed to nurse in public, when most of the women who do nurse do it discreetly! So I say, keep on doing what you’re doing for as long as you think you need to.
To the mom who feels guilty about working and not staying home with her kids…your children are happy you are providing for them and as long as the environment they are in while you are working is safe then you have nothing to feel guilty about. Make the most of the time you do have with them when you are not working and do your best to make happy memories with them. I worked for the first 5 years of being a mom, so I know the feeling of dropping the kids at daycare and feeling bad, but the truth is they had a blast there. And some moms just prefer working to staying home full time, and I completely respect that too.
To the mom who feels guilty about not having a beautiful new house and perfect décor…make your house your home and fill it with love. It’s not about possessions but about the love that is shared. We live in a 30 ft RV and we are the happiest and closest (literally and figuratively) we have ever been as a family. Best piece of advice I was ever given…live below your means and don’t try to keep up with the Jones’. It’s worked so far for us!
To the mom who feels guilty about looking at her iPhone (or other smartphone) while with her kids…as long as your kids know they are the most important then I don’t see anything wrong with it. As a stay at home mom we are with our kids 24/7 and it is perfectly acceptable to let your kids play by themselves sometimes and let yourself do something for you….reading, playing on your phone, etc. I play with my kids A LOT but there are times when they are playing that I will check my phone, or write a blog post , read the news, and I don’t feel guilty at all. When they speak to me I give them my full attention and they know they are more important than anything to me.
To the mom who feels embarrassed because her kid had a tantrum at the store....trust me, we've all been there. You know that moment when you can see it starting and then they do it. They throw themselves on the floor and kick and scream. Yeah, it's happened to me before. And I was embarrassed, but a nice old lady once said to me (during one of these fits), "I've been there before, just ignore them and they will realize it's not worth it. Enjoy them while they are this age because they grow fast". And you know what, I ignored it and they stopped. I LOVE encouraging people that want to help. I can do without the nasty stares from people who avoid tantrums by giving in to every demand of their child...
(It's really 'awesome' when all 4 of my kids decide to be whiny at home at the same time. I think they think that is one of my favorite activities to participate in, haha.)
To all the moms out there…. let’s start helping each other and stop judging one another. Let’s stop making each other feel guilty about things we do or don’t do and just do what works best for our own family. Let’s be informative about healthy food options without judging or looking down on others who don’t know any better. Let’s start to encourage one another and stop being in competition with one another. Let’s all be ‘real’ and teach our kids what it means to be happy with who you are. Let’s practice what we preach about 50 times a day and “just all get along”.